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Annoying Things

I was watching an interesting satellite TV programme yesterday. It was a show which exploits TV’s obsession with cookery and vets. The show was hosted by Ainsley Harriot and Rolf Harris and was called “If I Can’t Cure It, I’ll Cook It”. Whilst watching a poorly hamster nervously eyeing the frying pan, I wondered whether Ainsley was the most annoying thing in the whole universe.

In deciding the most annoying thing in the universe I gave full consideration to a range of annoying evils. Virgin Trains flashed briefly through my mind but they were erased by the thought of Kelvin Tatum. Tatum’s in-built ability to annoy me seemed trivial when compared to Noel Edmunds House Party. The thought of Noel and his range of amusing sweaters flashed painfully through my mind but then it came to me. I knew what the most annoying thing in the universe was:

“……the man who put the A into ABBA”

Porky (the man who put BIG into 80’s pop group Big Country) and his ridiculous nicknames had finally topped the charts. Firstly, it is completely inaccurate. The members of ABBA used their initials in order to form the name (Anna, Benny, Barrington and Antiseptic). Secondly the only link between the members of ABBA and the Karlsson brothers is their nationality. As far as I am aware, Peter and Michael have no connection to the pop music industry, apart from Peter’s harmonica playing on “There Must Be A Angel (Playing With My Heart)”. Surprisingly ABBA do have a connection with Speedway. Their 1979 hit “You Can Cut Across Before The 30 Yard Mark”, reached number 23 in the UK charts.

I would appeal to Porky to refrain from using this annoying nickname in future and to ensure that he conducts accurate research when formulating nicknames. It is also worth noting that the second most annoying thing in the universe is the phrase:

“……as they enter the third bend for the fourth and final time……”

The third most annoying thing in the universe is the voices in head, who laugh at me and keep me awake at night.

If anyone else would like to make nomination for the most annoying thing in the universe then please write or e-mail us.

Mark your envelope “Greg Hancock’s voice, Wolfcry Magazine…”

Dr. H. A. Weasly (April 1999)

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Many photographs on this site are copyright/courtesy of John Hipkiss - Wolverhampton Track Photographer.
The opinions expressed on this site are not necessarily those of the promotion/management of Wolverhampton Speedway.
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